


To Take The Pain Away

by PeakyGirl



Category: Peaky Blinders (TV)
Genre: Angst, Death, Family, Grief, Love, Murder, Peaky Blinders - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-06
Updated: 2020-02-06
Packaged: 2021-02-28 07:08:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22589914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PeakyGirl/pseuds/PeakyGirl
Summary: After the murder of a friend, Tommy’s daughter remembers her fathers words
Kudos: 22





	To Take The Pain Away

**Author's Note:**

> I’m just testing the waters of one shots along with my book. If it’s bad I apologise haha

Amelia remembered the first time she saw her Dad drinking from that tiny bottle. Things had been rough lately, worse than they ever were after he came home from war. She had been six back then, her mind filled with dreams and wonder. To Amelia her Dad just appeared more quiet and grumpy, he still smiled at her but sometimes she felt as if it were forced and the twinkle she had once seen in the blue orbs that matched her own no longer existed.  
  
But this, this was worse.

It was 1929 and Amelia was no longer that curly haired six year old who knew nothing of the world. A lot had happened over the years, she had watched her Dad rise up and fall over and over until she was certain he wouldn’t rise up again but he did, he always did until now. Amelia had noticed his state of mind starting to crumble ever since the election, being an MP had began to destroy him from the inside out and while he tried to hide it, Amelia knew the truth, she knew everything.   
It first started with disappearing acts. She would see him slip away for days, Amelia knew where he went but would never dare to follow. Then the sleepless nights came, it was worse on the night. She would find him standing at the end of her bed muttering to himself as he looked around the room, his eyes frantic and pained. Of course she would ask him what he was doing but received no reply, he would just apologise and walk out.   
  


Once she had locked her door through fear, she was becoming frightened of him and what he was capable of. Amelia hated the man taking over her Dad, he plagued her dreams with nightmares and when she woke up there would still be no relief because he would be there, in the flesh. She soon learned her lesson the night she locked the door when it had been ripped off its hinges and shattered. He had ran in, fingers torn and bleeding, his face twisted in fury as he looked over at her with nothing but sheer hate. Amelia had brought the blankets up to her chin, letting her body tremble beneath and the tears slip down her cheeks. The gun in his hand was raised up and pointed at her head, this man wasn’t her Dad.   
  


“ _I’m s..sorry..I won’t lock it...again_ ” Amelia cried feeling a pool of wetness circle her form, she had pissed herself.   
It was only as he laid eyes on her tears did her Dad come back. Dropping the gun with a loud thud, he let out a choked gasp. 

“ _Lia_ ” he whispered watching her shake violently, too scared to make eye contact.   
  


“ _Please Dad..go_ ”

Over the next few weeks her Dad had consumed more, filling his body with monsters. On one of those days, Amelia had finally asked the question she had been wanting to know.   
“What does it do?”   
He had looked up at her in confusion, hiding the blue bottle back in his overcoat as he leaned over his desk.   
“What does what do Lia?”  
“The stuff in the bottle Dad, what does it do?”   
Letting out a sigh, he had ran his hands over his face, contemplating whether to tell his daughter the truth or dismiss her.   
“It takes away the pain Chavi”  
  


‘It takes away the pain’  
Amelia had remembered his words from all those months ago. They had spun around in her mind like a wheel, she didn’t understand how monsters could take the pain away.   
But now as she stood back in his office, tears streaming down her face did Amelia find herself desperate for those monsters.   
It had been three days since Abbey had died, three days since she had slipped away in Amelia’s arms. Amelia was to blame, she was the one cursed to have the Shelby name looming over her head. That name was the reason the stranger had come for her, Amelia was supposed to be on the receiving end of the knife but she hadn’t been, Abbey had saved her. She had took it straight into the heart leaving Amelia with nothing but guilt and blood on her hands.   
  


What was the use in having her life if her heart and mind were breaking off in pieces? 

No one seemed to pay notice, no one cared. Everyone had moved on except her. She couldn’t, it was killing her inside. Amelia would never see only friend again and that was something she wasn’t prepared to cope with. Perhaps she was being weak, her Dad had informed her that it was just the way life played out. People died for the Shelby’s and it horrified Amelia to see it didn’t matter to him. It mattered to her though, the pain in her chest was agonising so Amelia had waited for the perfect opportunity to finally be alone.   
Her Dad was working as usual and Lizzie had took the kids into town. There was only Amelia along with the workers in the house. She wouldn’t be disturbed, not until Frances came to call her for dinner.   
  


The office was cold. Every part of the house remained warm at all time except the office. Making sure the door was shut behind her Amelia walked over to her Dads desk and sat down. Burying her face in her hands like she had seen him do many times in here, Amelia let her thoughts drift.   
Abbey’s choked screams pierced her ears as the stench of blood feel her nostrils. Amelia was back in that alleyway, calling into the darkness for help, feeling Abbey slip through her fingers as she tried desperately to cling to her.   
  
Banging her head against the table, Amelia began to sob. 

“ _Where do you keep the monsters Dad?_ ”   
Angrily rubbing her tears away, Amelia started to blindly flip the papers of his desk over, searching for the hidden bottles. He wouldn’t hide them in such plain sight but Amelia would turn every inch of the room upside down in order to find them.   
There was nothing on the desk, of course there wasn’t, not when there was a chance of the children getting their fingers on them.   
Looking down at the draw, Amelia let out a troubled sigh. If they were locked, there was no chance of her taking the pain away. Her Dad was a secretive man, he kept everything locked away, everything that was important and them little bottles were important to him.   
  


Deciding not to give up, Amelia tugged and tugged at the draws, snapping her nails with each frustrated pull. Letting out a scream she clawed, punched and ripped at the wood but she was no match for the strength of the desk. She wouldn’t be getting in.   
“ **Fuck!** ” Amelia roared standing up from her seat and slamming her hands down, scraping what was left of her nails down the wood, leaving small indents within the desk. Her Dad would be furious but she didn’t care, nothing mattered except from her quest to stop hurting.   
  


“ _Miss Shelby, are you alright?_ ” Frances enquired staring at the crying girl in shock.   
She had heard her screams in the hall and had immediately rushed towards the office too see what was wrong. Frances was worried about Amelia, she hadn’t been herself since her friends death and the once joyful girl had been stripped down to nothing but a shell.   
  


“ ** _Get out Frances!_** ” Amelia snapped bitterly wanting to be left alone, it’s what she deserved. She deserved to be alone, everyone around her suffered because of her and Amelia refused to take part.   
“ _Do you want me to call your Father?_ ” Frances offered knowing how easy it was for Mr Shelby to take control and comfort his eldest baby. Whenever Amelia got like this, it was Mr Shelby’s arms that she fell in to, desperate for the warmth of a father.   
  


Lunging forwards Amelia made her way over to Frances, her eyes a deadly shade of black, filled with the poison of her mind.   
“ ** _GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OUT!_** ” She roared forcing Frances to take a step back as Amelia gained on her.   
Once Frances had took her first steps back out the office, Amelia slammed the door in her face sending the woman running to the nearest telephone.  
Suddenly feeling exhausted, Amelia sank down the door and curled herself up in a ball.   
“ _It’s all your fault, it’s all your fault_ ” she cried out choking on her own tears as she laid down on the floor and willed the blood to slip from her head.   
  
  


Amelia wasn’t sure how long she had been laying there for when there was a quiet knock on the office door sending her into a sitting position as she scooted herself back. Digging her heels into the floor she pressed her weight against the door, hoping whoever it was couldn’t move her weight.   
“ _Lia love?_ ”   
It was her Dad, he was home and surely furious with her yet Amelia couldn’t detect any anger in his voice, in fact he seemed to be cooing at her. 

“Where do you keep them Dad?” Amelia sniffled in despair, her shoulders sagging in utter defeat.   
“Them Lia?”   
“ ** _The monsters Dad! Where are the monsters?_** ”

Standing up from her place on the floor Amelia swung the door open reaching out she took her Dad’s overcoat and pulled him towards her. She then began to desperately sink her hands into his pockets looking for the one that held his monsters. It was there somewhere, he never left the house without first filling his pockets. That’s the only way he survived the day.   
  


“ **Lia stop! Look at me! What are you fuckin’ searching for ey?!** ” Tommy demanded taking his child’s wrists and holding her still despite her best attempts to fight him off.   
“ _ **The monsters Dad! You said they take the pain away! And I need the pain to go away!**.....please Dad I don’t want to feel this anymore_” Amelia wept, staring into his eyes as he watched the last pieces of her heart shatter.   
Cupping the back of her head, Tommy pulled her close, wrapping her up tightly within his arms.   
“ _Let it out my love_ ” Tommy whispered feeling her cling on to him tightly, her tears soaking through his shirt. Her fingers dug painfully into his shoulders but Tommy held her closer, his own eyes stinging with tears as he listened to her fall apart.   
“ _M’sorry Dad, I tried to be strong, I tried to move on but I can’t_ ” 

“ _Ssshhhh love you don’t need to be strong, I’m here, I’ve got you_ ” Tommy reassured her, guilt eating him up inside.   
Why hadn’t he seen what Abbey’s death had done to his child before now. He had given her a speech on how death is just a part of life and how everyone had to move on. He had dismissed her feelings and left her alone to crumble.   
  


“ _How do I go on without the monsters?_ ”   
“Monsters ey?”   
Nodding her head, Amelia pulled back and gave him a haunting stare.   
“When you drink ‘em they take away your pain but they’re monsters Dad, they don’t care for you, not really. They hurt your mind but guard your heart” 

In his life there had been few times Tommy had found himself lost for words and this was one of those times. He understood what she was after now, the opium resting deep within his pocket. The monsters she had came to know as well as him. Amelia had been watching him closely, her awareness was the thing Tommy hoped she wouldn’t get from him. She saw everything and forgot nothing.   
  


Taking her face in his hands and swallowing the lump of worry in his throat, gave the girl a stern look.   
“Listen to me Amelia, if I ever catch you” using a free hand Tommy reached into his pocket and presented the little blue bottle before continuing “taking this I’ll have your guts for fuckin’ garters. It doesn’t take the pain away Orright! It makes it fuckin’ worse!”   
  


“ _Then why do you take it?_ ” Amelia wondered in confusion, her eyes shining with the innocence of a child.   
  


“Because sometimes Lia, the fake monsters are easier to deal with” 

**Author's Note:**

> First one shot and maybe last 😂 I’m sorry for putting you through that


End file.
